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Dear Fulcrum,
I was married for 19 years and have four children, all of whom are grown now. I was born with Spinal Cerebellum Degeneration or Ataxia, which has affected my father, brother and sister. They have been stricken with the disease as well and all are wheelchair ridden except for my sister and myself. I personally am a member of a gym therefore I believe this keeps me out of a chair.
I am convinced the reasoning behind my divorce is my physical disability. I am real easy going, real laid back. I don't smoke or drink. Very honest, no lies or lines have ever crossed these lips--yet I remain single after five years and honestly believe I will remain so for the remainder of time on this earth.
Have I tried? Absolutely. Clubs, dining out, concerts, coffee houses, and bookstores. grocery shopping-- I have even hung out in shoe aisle at local department stores.
It appears whenever I go out (which is very in often now) I can feel the eyes burn into my back, sometimes I feel like a pervert because its obvious I am here for one reason, to find a girlfriend. And it doesn't help matters with me going alone.
I am ready to give up ship but I don't want to.
Any advice?
Sincerely,
Shoe Aisle Sorrow.
Dear Shoe Aisle,
Meeting people for romance is a problem for many folks. And the first problem everyone encounters is the question, “Where should I go to find someone?” To be honest, you should stop hanging out in the female side of the shoe store, unless you are legitimately shopping for your sister or you are performing in a show later on that night. You have no purpose being there, and it is perverted. But admitting to the problem is the first step to finding help. The second step is knowing (and this is universal) that the chances of finding someone in a club, bar, coffee house and the “How To” section of a bookstore is slim to never going to happen. This is key because those environments don’t cater to meeting people with mutual intentions. You are setting yourself up for a cheesy line and a quick rejection. It’s the way to ruin a good single Crown Royal on the rocks or an enrapturing “…For Dummies” book. However, that doesn’t help you meet women. It just tells you that your current techniques aren’t working. If you are Gung-ho on meeting women and that is your only goal, I would recommend online dating. You can even get started with dating sites (such as www.datingwithchallenges.com) for people with disabilities, so chats are on the same level. But there is another route that is far superior in my opinion. It is a place that captures you being yourself, and not just someone desperately trying to find another. Volunteering or getting involved with community hobbies (and I don’t mean Solitaire) is an excellent way to meet people. But pay attention, I said people, not just women! Getting involved in the community will open more doors than you think, and as a result, meeting new people in new social circles might connect you with someone that shares your interests. However, if you go into it with the intentions of being on the hunt, the fun activities may turn into another form of rejection. Another attitude to try: stop wasting valuable time finding a girlfriend and start using those hours and minutes making yourself happy. It is during those moments that cool things tend to happen. People are attracted to those who know and do what makes them happy. Another plus is that it takes a lot less convincing that you are honest -- a quality that is always attractive to the opposite sex.
Best of Luck,
Fulcrum
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